Feeling really insecure. I swore when I was younger that I would never become one of THOSE wives. The ones who are suspicious of every girl her man talked to or were friends with. I weigh more now than I ever have, I'm not proud of this, but I've been under so much stress with Marcus acting out violently and school. I haven't really put too much effort into my health.
There's this girl Mike knows through work and she's on his facebook. She is cute, single, and about ten years younger. I know I shouldn't, and Mike has never given me reason to distrust him, but I am worried.
All I want right now is a cigarette, drink or toke and any of the three would end my marriage, not to mention 8 years of clean and sobriety.
Tuesday night I'm getting my ass to a meeting.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Friday, September 23, 2011
Ugh..
Woke up this morning with my hips screaming at me, and couldn't go back to sleep even after loading up on Advil. After a few hours I decided to move to the couch so I could moan in pain and grunt in discomfort with out waking my husband who had been up several times in the night with my son. After a couple of hours, my son woke up and came out to the living room. He's pretty congested so he's coughing a lot. He's not running a fever thank goodness, but I still won't let him go play outside till we get the cough under control. In any case, I was still hurting something fierce, only now the pain is in my shoulders and legs.
Once my husband got up, he was able to take over so I could get an hour or so nap in before he had to go to work. Marcus was pretty mellow for most of the day which I was grateful for.
Now Marcus is asleep, he was getting cranky, and normally I wouldn't let him this late in the day, but as much as he's coughing, he could probably use the rest. Now I'm just chilling, listening to Jackie Avancho courtesy of Spotify.
Once my husband got up, he was able to take over so I could get an hour or so nap in before he had to go to work. Marcus was pretty mellow for most of the day which I was grateful for.
Now Marcus is asleep, he was getting cranky, and normally I wouldn't let him this late in the day, but as much as he's coughing, he could probably use the rest. Now I'm just chilling, listening to Jackie Avancho courtesy of Spotify.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
A New Old adventure..
Tomorrow marks a big day for me. I start school again. This will be the fifth time I've tried to go to college.
The first time I went for a year to a community college, but I was young and decided I would rather move to Olympia and live with a boyfriend I met only a month before. A year later I had a beautiful daughter and tried to go back to school after her dad and I split up. I went for a quarter but realized that between working and school, I only ever saw my daughter when she was sleeping. So I left school. I would like to say I focused on my daughter but at the time I was also struggling with my alcoholism and spent much time in the bars near where I lived while my parents watched my daughter. A few years later I tried again, this time at a bigger school. I went for a year and during that time, left an abusive environment and then went off the deep-end in my alcoholism. I decided my drinking and sleeping all the time were more important so I quit school. A month or two later I had found my way on to the path of sobriety. I tried to go back to school but not much sooner did I loose my job and had to leave school to find a new job. I gave up after that.
Eight years later, I'm daring to go ahead again. I've been sober all this time and now have more motivation. I've since remarried and have a 3 year old son with Autism, and want the world for him. I'm not in an immediate position to afford a great deal for him, but I can go to school to learn to teach him. My husband is on board and my family is thrilled and willing to take my son for a couple of hours here and there to help me get some study time in while my husband is working.
I'm a little scared because I've let myself down so many times before, but I'm excited too because I know I'm not the same person I was then and that I can do this!
The first time I went for a year to a community college, but I was young and decided I would rather move to Olympia and live with a boyfriend I met only a month before. A year later I had a beautiful daughter and tried to go back to school after her dad and I split up. I went for a quarter but realized that between working and school, I only ever saw my daughter when she was sleeping. So I left school. I would like to say I focused on my daughter but at the time I was also struggling with my alcoholism and spent much time in the bars near where I lived while my parents watched my daughter. A few years later I tried again, this time at a bigger school. I went for a year and during that time, left an abusive environment and then went off the deep-end in my alcoholism. I decided my drinking and sleeping all the time were more important so I quit school. A month or two later I had found my way on to the path of sobriety. I tried to go back to school but not much sooner did I loose my job and had to leave school to find a new job. I gave up after that.
Eight years later, I'm daring to go ahead again. I've been sober all this time and now have more motivation. I've since remarried and have a 3 year old son with Autism, and want the world for him. I'm not in an immediate position to afford a great deal for him, but I can go to school to learn to teach him. My husband is on board and my family is thrilled and willing to take my son for a couple of hours here and there to help me get some study time in while my husband is working.
I'm a little scared because I've let myself down so many times before, but I'm excited too because I know I'm not the same person I was then and that I can do this!
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